*Taken by a Kodak film camera.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
A Request
“For your love, I have everything from my blood to the essence of my existence” – Juanes.
When I was a child, most of my childhood times were spent with my mum. My sister and brother were studying in the university during that time, and my father was away from home for months. We were not a well-off family; in fact, my father had to make ends meet especially when my other siblings entered university. For my father, furthering your studies in university means more money, to earn more money, means he had to work real hard. I was only a child then, so I didn’t understand why my father was such an invisible man, I could hardly see him.
Most of the time, I spent with my mum, helping her to arrange the clothes that she had sewed and tailored. Sometimes, she even made me rag-dolls made from pieces of colourful cloths because we could not afford to buy toys. Money was something hard for us, but that didn’t deprive us in living life to the fullest. I could still remember the time when mum bought me “Vitagen” and I didn’t know that it should be kept refrigerated, so I kept it in the food cupboard because we had no refrigerator. The next day, I felt frustrated because the Vitagen had turned stale and I blamed my mum for that. I remembered I cried so loudly and it was quite funny because my mum told me that the Vitagen was for the rich, not for the poor people like us who had no fridge.
My mum is actually very particular about what goes inside my stomach and brain. Although we couldn’t afford expensive food, she would make sure that I had raisins, fishes, and eggs as my daily meals. We bred a few chickens, therefore we would we be able to trade the eggs for the fishes. We had no problem for chicken eggs because our chicken would lay their eggs everyday and everywhere, most of the time was in the bushes. There were times when my mum disappeared in the morning because she had to find the hidden eggs in the bushes early in the morning just to prepare breakfast for me. Since there were only two of us in the house, sometimes we had too many eggs to be eaten because my mum believed that eggs should be consumed as fast as possible so that we won’t lose the vitamins. When I grew older, I knew that she just wanted me to have the best.
Mum was not someone who lavishes her children with luxury, she could not even afford to. But she always remind me, it’s not the things that you have makes who you are, it is the how you value and appreciate things around you, although it is the smallest, or the cheapest or it may be very insignificant towards you. She always emphasized the importance of education, although she could not afford to buy me story books and colouring books, it is no problem to me because I always get “thrown” books from the recycle centre in front of my house where my free time were spent reading those thrown and torn books that I’ve found.
When I was a child, most of my childhood times were spent with my mum. My sister and brother were studying in the university during that time, and my father was away from home for months. We were not a well-off family; in fact, my father had to make ends meet especially when my other siblings entered university. For my father, furthering your studies in university means more money, to earn more money, means he had to work real hard. I was only a child then, so I didn’t understand why my father was such an invisible man, I could hardly see him.
Most of the time, I spent with my mum, helping her to arrange the clothes that she had sewed and tailored. Sometimes, she even made me rag-dolls made from pieces of colourful cloths because we could not afford to buy toys. Money was something hard for us, but that didn’t deprive us in living life to the fullest. I could still remember the time when mum bought me “Vitagen” and I didn’t know that it should be kept refrigerated, so I kept it in the food cupboard because we had no refrigerator. The next day, I felt frustrated because the Vitagen had turned stale and I blamed my mum for that. I remembered I cried so loudly and it was quite funny because my mum told me that the Vitagen was for the rich, not for the poor people like us who had no fridge.
My mum is actually very particular about what goes inside my stomach and brain. Although we couldn’t afford expensive food, she would make sure that I had raisins, fishes, and eggs as my daily meals. We bred a few chickens, therefore we would we be able to trade the eggs for the fishes. We had no problem for chicken eggs because our chicken would lay their eggs everyday and everywhere, most of the time was in the bushes. There were times when my mum disappeared in the morning because she had to find the hidden eggs in the bushes early in the morning just to prepare breakfast for me. Since there were only two of us in the house, sometimes we had too many eggs to be eaten because my mum believed that eggs should be consumed as fast as possible so that we won’t lose the vitamins. When I grew older, I knew that she just wanted me to have the best.
Mum was not someone who lavishes her children with luxury, she could not even afford to. But she always remind me, it’s not the things that you have makes who you are, it is the how you value and appreciate things around you, although it is the smallest, or the cheapest or it may be very insignificant towards you. She always emphasized the importance of education, although she could not afford to buy me story books and colouring books, it is no problem to me because I always get “thrown” books from the recycle centre in front of my house where my free time were spent reading those thrown and torn books that I’ve found.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Cerita Hati
Untuk hati yang tiada siapa yang punya,
Untuk hati yang tiada siapa mahu miliki,
Tiada cinta, tiada sayang untuknya,
Hanya muram yang memenuhi,
Tanpa belas, tanpa apa-apa,
Hati itu kosong,
Tiada siapa yang peduli,
Kerna ia tidak mahu siapa-siapa peduli,
Biarlah ia terus sunyi,
Mati dalam sepi.
Mati dalam mimpi,
Mati tanpa apa-apa,
Biar hati itu pergi,
Biar hati itu ditinggalkan,
Biar hati itu mati.
Sg. Petani, 11.56pm, 13 Jun 2009.
Untuk hati yang tiada siapa mahu miliki,
Tiada cinta, tiada sayang untuknya,
Hanya muram yang memenuhi,
Tanpa belas, tanpa apa-apa,
Hati itu kosong,
Tiada siapa yang peduli,
Kerna ia tidak mahu siapa-siapa peduli,
Biarlah ia terus sunyi,
Mati dalam sepi.
Mati dalam mimpi,
Mati tanpa apa-apa,
Biar hati itu pergi,
Biar hati itu ditinggalkan,
Biar hati itu mati.
Sg. Petani, 11.56pm, 13 Jun 2009.
Friday, June 12, 2009
The Rice-less Diet
I am despised enough by others (who are thin and slender) because I am fat. I wonder if it is a sin to have big belly and fatty thighs. They are those people who eat two plates of rice and never gain an inch, and I would be on the opposite. So what if I have big muffin tummy and ugly thighs as long as I know I am healthy? Somehow, many of us, especially girls would despised you (directly or indirectly) because you are fat. Thank God that I am not obese, but somehow my heart would turn blue when some people commented on how chubby my cheeks are, how big is my tummy or how fat is my bum? Why should I bother on these people? Well, girls and the weight issues and how they always think about themselves as being better than anyone else. I've been on a "rice-less diet" and I've lost 10kgs after almost a year I ate only Nestle Fitnesse and cups of green tea. Nevertheless, I began to look like a ghost, always fatigued, had frequent mood swings and I thought I almost become anorexic, but I managed to terminate the ridiculous diet. For girls out there, who are suffering from tremendous negative comments about your body from others, it is the best to ignore, or at least remind yourself that it is your body, keep it happy and healthy.
Steps to begin with a SLR camera (soon...)
Take a peek on my object below (both pictures were taken by a borrowed Nikon F5 film camera) :
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The continous hazardous effects of using Malaysian local products
When I was still using Malaysian local products: Natasya (5 years) and DN Hans (3 months).
This was a day after I stopped using both of the two local products.
I went to dermatologist for treatment, examined as having eczema and now I am using Clinelle and antibiotics.
The moral of the story: Trust No One.
There's no but, no cause.
My heart is dead,
Quenched with tears,
Tears that I would never let out
I'm afraid of their laughter
And it keeps ringing in my head,
I'm holding on,
I'm not sure till when,
Would it be until I turn to pieces?
I'm waiting for my death,
I'm not ready yet,
I'm willing
God, please give me the strength
A strength for me to hold on,
To go on,
I'm falling into a dark hole in his eyes,
Those blank eyes,
I'm falling in love,
A love that could never be mine,
He wants me to hold on,
To wait,
I hear laughters between my cries,
I don't know till when,
Should I hold on to something I could never see,
I could never feel.
Sg Petani, April 25th, 2009. 12.03am
Quenched with tears,
Tears that I would never let out
I'm afraid of their laughter
And it keeps ringing in my head,
I'm holding on,
I'm not sure till when,
Would it be until I turn to pieces?
I'm waiting for my death,
I'm not ready yet,
I'm willing
God, please give me the strength
A strength for me to hold on,
To go on,
I'm falling into a dark hole in his eyes,
Those blank eyes,
I'm falling in love,
A love that could never be mine,
He wants me to hold on,
To wait,
I hear laughters between my cries,
I don't know till when,
Should I hold on to something I could never see,
I could never feel.
Sg Petani, April 25th, 2009. 12.03am
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